COMING OUT: EXPERIENCES OF LGBTQ+ BIPOC COMMUNITY

David Payne started to come out during his late teens and early twenties when he was in college. He cites this as a revolutionary time in his life because prior to this he held this part of his identity out of fear. However, coming out during a time where his other peers were also coming out showed him that he was not alone. He has not explicitly come out to his parents; however, he believes that his mother would be supportive of him because she is his champion. He is the youngest of 6 and was the third to graduate from college, after which he moved to Harrisburg, taking a job as an evening anchor and a control board operator. He hopped on any opportunities that came to him as he was not sure how many would come to him. His mother supported this mentality and told him “as long as I have a home, so do you.”

As technology developed and computers became more mainstream his job became obsolete, and he found another opportunity in radio in Rehoboth, DE. Rehoboth had a much more visible gay community with places to go and people were much more willing to help him understand his identity there. He also got involved with and joined the board of a local organization dedicated to fighting AIDS. Eventually he came back to Harrisburg and worked for a news network that aired in central PA. Having known this area due to growing up here, he could tailor the news to these areas. He was not out at work as there were not many opportunities to talk about his personal life. However, it was not necessarily a secret as he was seen singing in the Harrisburg Men’s Chorus at the Gay and Lesbian Pride Festival of Central PA at Reservoir Park in Harrisburg. His boss made mention of this sighting and moved passed it.   ​

He says he was fortunate to not lose his job as there was no state-wide anti-discrimination law protecting LGBTQ+ people, only some municipalities in PA have these laws. He has strayed away from religion due to its historically difficult relationship with the LGBTQ+ community, however, he recommends the Metropolitan Community Church or any other affirming church for LGBTQ+ community members that are still looking to be spiritual. He also spent a considerable amount of time working with Common Roads, an organization that works with LGBTQ+ youth. While he loves Harrisburg, he says that it could still stand to increase the protections they provide to the LGBTQ+ community. ​

Dr. Eric Selvy was an only child living with his mother and grandmother in Harrisburg, PA.  He was a member of the African Methodist Episcopal Church as a child into his early adulthood, but eventually stopped going as he became more spiritual than religious and could spread the work of Christ without the need for a church. His early experiences in the church confused him about his sexuality as he received the message that it was wrong, but it was who he was. It was not until he went to earn his doctorate in Philadelphia that he fully accepted his sexuality. He had some experiences prior but coming to Philadelphia showed him that this was what God wanted for him. ​

In Philadelphia during the 1980s, the Neptune bar was a hotspot in the gay community as this was where most people would flock too.  At first, Dr. Selvy was scared to be seen coming and going to the bar, however, he soon realized that these people were going to the bar for the same reason as him and these fears subsided. Towards the late 1980s, Dr. Selvy decided to come out to his grandmother first and then he came out to his mother on Mother’s day when discussing how he got his job at the Harrisburg Human Relations Commission. Both of them were supportive with his mother taking it matter-of-factly. Fortunately for him, he saw no extra struggles with being African American and gay; he did not come out to most people he knew prior to college as he believed they already knew due to his exposure and involvement with the pride festival. 

​In 1986, he became involved in the Lily White and Company drag troupe, as his current partner was an active member in the troupe. He mostly worked as a choreographer for the troupe, and they would raise money for the South-Central AIDS Assistance Network [SCAAN]. They received support from many of the local bars as much of their advertisement came through word of mouth and were even able to perform at the bars. Dr. Selvy soon began to work for SCAAN, becoming their secretary quite fast, which was his first experience working for the gay community. This came from a desire to help as someone in the local community had died from AIDS and he saw how this death impacted the community and wanted to help in anyway he could.

While at SCAAN, he ran for president and lost, meaning he would also loose his spot on the board of SCAAN. However, Dr. Selvy was chosen by the mayor to fill a vacancy on the Harrisburg Human Relations Commission. He became the gay representative on the commission and was tasked to help increase protection of LGBTQ+ individuals as there was a spike in gay-bashing around the local gay bars. He was also largely involved in ensuring that the drag scene was able to exist at pride. During the 1993 pride festival, there was fear that having the dunk-a-drag booth would be seen as promoting violence against women and that if media coverage saw men wearing dresses, that the public would think that was the “gay-lifestyle”. This caused quite the commotion as many people threated to back out since the pride festival was meant to about unity among the LGBTQ+ community. Eventually, the festival committee restructured itself , these issues were resolved, and the pride festival was moved to Riverfront. ​

During his travels to San Francisco, Dr. Selvy came across a plethora of LGBTQ+ publications that were available for people to read and wanted to bring this back to Pennsylvania as they only LGBTQ+ publications they had were from Philadelphia. So, he along with another individual decided to create a publication providing news, feature stories and information about the Harrisburg area LGBTQ+ community that people could submit their writings to in order to get people proud of the Harrisburg community. They published bimonthly issues and handed them out the at the 1995 and 1996 pride festivals. They ended up shutting the magazine down a year later due to it being too much to handle but it focused largely on general issues in the LGBTQ+ community as well as the impact of AIDS.
 

​Recently, Dr. Selvy has noticed an increase in the pride people have in their identity, but also the ability for them to be outward and visibly proud of being LGBTQ+. He has also noticed an increase in visibly of the drag community in the area as well as people being able to be who they are. He also notes the lack of statewide anti-discrimination laws in Pennsylvania, but that there is an increase in support for LGBTQ+ people.

Heidi Notario was born in Cuba in 1973 where she grew up under the political idea of socialism. At school, she and her friends created a newspaper that questioned the government and the reality of their ”utopic” society as those in government positions were given much more than the average citizen. They were told these topics would be off limits or the paper would be shut down. Heidi emigrated to the United States when she was 23. She had studied English but was not fluent; her mother and grandmother followed soon after. Her father stayed in Cuba and due to his position, she was not able to communicate with him until a large part of Cuba’s economy came from families sending money to their relatives. Having been raised in Cuba, she was taught that Americans were evil and hated Cubans, but she found this was not true. She came to Allentown, PA where a large Latino population was located and began working at a daycare for children learning English. This not only helped her to learn English, but she had a colleague from Puerto Rico that she found solace in. ​

She went back to college, attending Moravian University in Bethlehem and started studying sociology, an option never offered to her in Cuba. She was afraid that she may not do well due to her language skills, but she was heavily supported by the dean and eventually went to graduate school at Lehigh University in Allentown. She became a social worker working with children whose parents only spoke Spanish and a group that advocated for people with disabilities. This brought her to Harrisburg where she got more involved with the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and began her anti-violence work. ​

By the time Heidi was starting to question her sexuality, she was married and had a child. She had not thought about her sexuality much as Cuba was not a safe place for LGBTQ+ individuals when she was there. They faced a lot of homophobia and judgement, and it was a very heteronormative society. She had an epiphany about her sexuality this shocked her, so she went to therapy. Her marriage ended around the time her mother came over. She was scared to come out to her, but when she did, she was met with love and support. She has not come out to her father as they are not close, but she came out to her son when he was 6 which led to his motivation to be an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. She went back to Cuba to visit her friends and come out to them. When she came out to her best friend who was also gay, he said he knew; all her friends were supportive and wanted her to be happy. The climate in Cuba surrounding the LGBTQ+ community has changed drastically since then as the president’s daughter has come out in support of the Transgender community which also provided visibility for other members of the LGBTQ+ community. Cuba now holds pride festivals and marches in celebration of LGBTQ+ identity. ​

She has become very involved with the LGBT Center of Central Pa as the Vice President, and then President, of the board and has a strong commitment to the younger generation. She actively involved them in the process of finding a new executive director as an intentional way of showing them that their opinion on the decision matters. She has also spoken at the LGBT Center’s GSA summit at Dickinson College and participates in a lot of the fundraising efforts. Her sexuality has become a political stance for her and directed her to looking at intimate partner violence within the LGBTQ+ community. Homophobia plays a large role in why this issue is rarely discussed because many are not ready to come out or systems themselves are homophobic. She says that she hopes the LGBT Center will start to track violence against LGBTQ+ individuals in order to help with education and funding to help combat it. 

She used to be scared to hold her partner’s hand as it used to be one would have to negotiate their safety at every step which can be exhausting. She says with age she has gained the privilege of not caring. She is out in nearly all aspects of her life and receives acceptance from the communities she is a part of, however, this still does not completely eliminate the fear of homophobia. The Trump presidency was especially frightening for her as both an immigrant and a lesbian as all the work she’s done was at risk. It almost came down to her leaving the country out of fear, but her son grounded her and said they had to stay and fight whatever happens. 
 

​In her eyes, sometimes the community is complicit in the oppression of others within the community especially in terms of the rising population of homeless LGBTQ+ youths. As this does not affect all members of the LGBTQ+ community, they pay less attention to the issues, but the community needs to learn to see that violence against one of us is violence against us all. This sentiment holds true for transgender people as they face much higher rates of violence than any other member of the community. 

Tammy del Sol was born in Mountain, PA, in 1963 to a Finnish mother and an Arabic father. Her parents practiced different religious; Lutheran and Christian Arabic, respectively. Their family spent most of her time following the Presbyterian faith, but Tammy has since moved on to become a “New Ager”, which involves spirituality and being open to the teachings of all religions due to the various lessons they can teach. She has let her children make their own religious choices, but never wants them to shut themselves off from the possibility of being spiritual. ​

Tammy attended Marist College as she was involved with racquetball as she was a member of the club across the street from the college. She made the national team and competed competitively for 30 years until she had to leave the sport due to the physical toll it took on her. She took a break from college to go on cross-country bike trip in 1983, where she experienced a lot of personal growth. She resumed college at Muhlenberg College on the pre-med track, but soon transferred to Wichita State to help her cousin. Her cousin went to another college, so she stayed at Wichita and finished her creative writing degree. She began to discovery her sexuality at Wichita as she dated guys but found it weird and creepy and was opposed to the heavily patriarchal society of dating as well as life. At the grocery store, she picked up a copy of the movie Desert Hearts which changed her life. This movie showcased a beautiful lesbian love story and changed her life as she began to realize her sexuality. Prior to this, she only had stereotypical ideas of lesbians, but this film helped to dismantle them and show that she could be herself and lesbian. She realized that these feelings were normal and that she wasn’t going to “burn in hell”.

When she finished, her dad asked for help running a restaurant, but it closed down within four months. She went into social work after this and became a supervisor almost immediately but quit after a bad experience. Her dad helped her get into Penn Dental Medicine in Philadelphia. After graduation, she came home and resumed playing racquetball. At this time, she was dating a woman, however, she wanted to wait till she was in a stable relationship before she came out because she knew her parents wouldn’t understand. In 1988, she came out to her parents and was met with ambivalence as her mother asked, “what did I do wrong” and her faither asked, “are you sure you want to go down that road”. Which confirmed that they didn’t really understand it. Tammy continued to engage more with the community at D Gem, a lesbian bar which has since closed.
 

After coming out, she worked at the family dentistry practice but tired of working with her family, so she moved to New Mexico with her then girlfriend. This was short lived as her dad asked her to come back to the practice a few months later and she did, breaking up with her girlfriend in the process. She would eventually take over the practice in 2001 and work on making it a wellness center as well. She focuses on the patient’s experience, the environment of the practice, and creating relationships with patients.
 

She came out to her sister in 1986 (prior to her parents), and her sister responded with “I know” and Tammy said that could have saved her from years of therapy, but her sister knew that she would figure it out eventually. Prior to Desert Hearts, Tammy found it difficult to understand this identity with a lack of role models and suffered from a severe depression over these feelings. She had tried to explain these feelings as a child by saying that she, “wanted to grow up and marry a girl”, but her aunt told her this wouldn’t happen. She eventually started playing racquetball to escape this depression as well as her sexuality.

She attended a Lesbian Golf League in Harrisburg, and this is where she met her partner, Jen. They are no longer together, but they have remained close as they have three children together in an extended LGBTQ+ family. Their sperm donor was a gay man, who along with his parent were close with Jen. He passed away from AIDS soon after the child was born, and they eventually had another child with another close friend. Their last child was born after Tammy and Jen split up, but they still parent each of these children with the respective fathers. When the children were born, they became involved with PFLAG [Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays]. Tammy has also been a member of the Gay and Lesbian Business Alliance and when she was at Penn Dental was a part of the Gay and Lesbian Speakers Bureau where she spoke to groups on campus, attorneys, and at the Philadelphia High School.  ​

She is out to nearly everyone and does not face much discrimination, however, sometimes people are shocked when she tells them she is lesbian. She also doesn’t care if people say things because she minds her own business and lives her life. Her hope for the Harrisburg community is that they start fighting harder and being less complicit in the oppression of others, especially the transgender community which is suffering the most.

The Keystone Conference, originating in 2009, is an annual event in Pennsylvania to bring transgender individuals and their allies together to celebrate and learn about gender identity. The Keystone Conference hosts a multitude of seminars, workshops, and social events designed to promote learning and understanding. The event has recently expanded the programs offered to cover a wider range of topics.